13 March 2009

A New Element (Re)Discovered

Whole-sale ripped off from an email forwarded to me:

New Element Discovered
Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet
known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron,
25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held
together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities
of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no
electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes

detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would
normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years
to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years; it does not decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium , an
element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has
half as many peons but twice as many morons.

May God help us survive this growing mass before it becomes a black hole
that sucks us all in.

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